Top Ten

Top Ten Reasons I like Christmas...

1) Reminder that the world is a very dark place without the Light of the World

2) Christmas Play practice

3) Christmas Music

4) KIDS

5) The excitement in the air

6) The generosity of people

7) The Salvation Army bell ringers

8) The Cold, Crisp Air!!

9) Our Annual James Island Trip

10) Little kids dressed as Wise Men

What happened?

Why did I stop blogging?

Too much drama. But as I read my blogs today I realized that they ministered to me. It helps me sort through my thoughts, fears and circumstances in life. So I am back...

Seasons of Change...

Life has thrown so many curves lately. Recently, Alicia lost her 2nd baby. We are grieving...STILL...it has been hard to watch her grapple with this. Harder still not to ask God why. All things work to the good for those who love Christ Jesus. And OH I DO LOVE HIM...I REALLY DO. He is my very best friend. Life without HIM would not be bearable. He has been faithful and loved me like no one ever has. So.............I wait and I trust HIM to bring something good out of this.

Sara and Katie are driving and in their junior years in school. I am watching the caterpillars transform into butterflies. OH...yeah...butterflies...FLY. UGH...They will be flying before I know it, which will bring a whole new season in life. EMPTY NEST.

Lord, open doors...close doors...but make us holy and acceptable to you and use us as long as we are on this earth for your glory and purpose.

People let me tell you about my best friend...

Well Face book has allowed me to connect with my best friend Sandy's family. I was chatting with her sister tonight on line and we took a trip down memory lane...

Sandy Black was the most amazing person who has ever come into my life except for Jesus. When I was in high school, I had two brothers who were mentally challenged. We all know how kids can be and kids back then were the same...CRUEL. The constant taunting and beating up of my brothers made me a very angry person. We did not fit in...We were the family with two "retarded" kids. I don't use the word "retarded" lightly. It was considered a cuss word in our house. It is definitely a word that got soap put in our mouths. And to make matters worse, we were poor.

Friends in school were hard to find...but along came this girl with the best personality, greatest sense of humor and she was beautiful, and she decided to sit with ME every day at lunch. I never had lunch money or lunch to eat and every day she gave me the best item in her lunch pail. We became fast friends.. We sat together everyday in different classes because we had to sit alphabetically...Sandy Black...Dot Carson...even French class...our names in french were Simone and Dorothea...

Thank you Jesus for giving us the last names we had so we could sit together.

Sandy was nominated for the homecoming court and she wore a beautiful pink dress but she was the goofy girl. I remember thinking how much she deserved to be on that court. I was so proud of her. She was popular and she chose to hang out with ME. She had her first and only boyfriend and we talked about whether or not she should kiss him....For the life of me I can't remember his name...Bob I think. She liked him alot and they were a great couple. (I wonder if he thinks of her from time to time...) And she was my BEST friend. Life was good. I finally belonged. I finally felt accepted. I had someone to laugh with and cry with and do stupid french skits with...We were two peas in a pod!!! School no longer was so painful. In fact, it was pretty good. I really was okay...I really was valuable...

One day we went ice skating with our French class. I was a terrible skater and Sandy was trying to keep me on my feet and I fell on her. She never came back to school after that day. Her hip hurt her and she could not walk on it. Week after week, she did not come to school. I missed her terribly. Then I found out she had been diagnosed with stage 4 bone cancer in her HIP. Now stage 4 meant nothing to me....I did not know that we were talking about something she was dying from. I felt for many years that I was responsible for her illness. The doctors said that the cancer had been laying dormant and the fall brought things to the surface...UGH...I hate ice skating!!!

Well..it was okay...I knew the doctors could fix her...So the process of healing began. One day my mom drove me to Pittsburgh Children's Hospital about 90 minutes away to visit Sandy during on of her chemo and radiation treatments. I was excited to see her and catch her up on school stuff and to just sit with her. I was so unprepared for what I saw....She was about 80 pounds, and writhing and crying out in pain. She did not even see us come into the room. The doctors sent us out and we never returned. We drove home and I was once again shook but I just knew everything would be okay. I just knew that she could and would get better.

Eventually she came home from the hospital and her mom planned a Sweet 16 birthday party for her. We all arrived to find her so thin...I was mad at her...Really mad at her. Why didn't she just eat and get better? Eat Sandy Eat!!! For my sake...EAT!!! She was sitting up though and smiling and wearing a crazy wig. I tried not to mention it and all of sudden she just took it off and scratched her head and we all laughed. She was so full of life and laughter. It was a great day! See I knew she would get better, she just needed to laugh a little and EAT!!! She would be back to school soon and I would not be sitting alone anymore. That was My plan anyway...

Shortly after her 16th birthday, I came home from my job at McDonald's and my little 8 year old sister said...

"Hey Dot, Sandy Black died today."
What?????????????????????? WHAT?????????????
No she didn't...stop acting stupid................................
Oh my God....she is dead???
I ran into my house to find my mom crying...It was true!

Why am I writing this? Because I owe it to Sandy to tell you that my BEST FRIEND was the most amazing person in the whole world. In her short l6 years of life, she inspired me to LOVE PEOPLE!!!! She taught me to feed the poor...to treat everyone with dignity and to smile when the chips are down; to put others first and to make lemonade out of lemons. I can't ever remember a time she asked...why me? And maybe she did but I can't remember it.

Sandy's mom was so angry at God for years. Who wouldn't be? You see Sandy's dad had died of cancer before Sandy died. I just want to hug her mom and tell her Sandy's life was not a waste. It mattered!!! She is an inspiration to me daily. There is not a month that goes by that Sandy does not enter my thoughts. Please Mrs. Black know...SHE MATTERED!!!

Oh my dear friend Sandy...I MISS YOU SO MUCH...EVEN NOW. I wish we were raising our kids together!!!

My hope is one day we will both dance in heaven together.

And for those of you who read this blog....thank you for letting me share my friend with you. I am sorry you never got to meet her. When you get to heaven, please ask for her...You won't be disappointed, she will be the one dancing!!!

A New Year - 2010

Wow...long time since I blogged. The holidays are so busy sometimes. Currently starting the new year with a church wide 21 day fast. It has been hard sometimes but mostly rewarding. I like that we do this together as a church at least when you are weak you can talk freely to someone about it instead of having to do it in secret. Fasts in secret are very hard. I know that there is a time for that type of fast but it sure is harder. I pray that once this fast is over I will be able to maintain some of the good eating habits I have been practicing. I am believing God for some pretty important stuff in my family and the lives of others. I know HE hears our prayers and I believe that if I commit these things to HIM, He will be faithful. He has proven that to me over and over and over again. Lord, forgive me for ever doubting you.

Girls start softball season soon...busy time of the year but I have so very few of these years left with them. Both girls are about to get their restricted license. Wow...time flies. Alicia will graduate from college in May and has decided to pursuit her Master's degree. God has really blessed her. Thank you God for your faithfulness. She has turned out to be a young lady that a mom can be proud of. She is a girl with wisdom beyond her years. '

Planning a family vacation this year has been so difficult. We all want to do something different. Lord, please help us sort it out. Cruise, Camping, Mountain Cabin, Family Reunion in Arkansas, summer, winter? Geez...but if it you don't plan it...you just don't take one.

Looking forward to Heart Connection this year. Having a leadership planning meeting this month. Please Lord, we need your wisdom and guidance. Help us to do what you want.

Well time for bed,

In His Grip of Grace,
Dot

Courting and Teenagers

Well today I am working through my girls "courting". I have so many mixed emotions. And I try not to be double minded. I watch other parents wade their way through these years and I wonder what guidelines and rules we should have. I have seen some parents completely not allow any dating or courting and I have seen some parents be very permissive. I never know what is right. I DO KNOW THIS...EVERYONE SEEMS TO HAVE AN OPINION ABOUT WHAT MY GIRLS SHOULD BE DOING...

I am not crazy about this whole boy thing but what parent ever is. I think I believe in arranged marriages. The problem is...my girls don't. I can not imagine why. I am the wiser one. And I would make sure that he was attractive enough to kiss. But God knows the heart of my girls so I will trust them to HIM. God, I GIVE YOU PERMISSION TO ARRANGE THE MARRIAGE BECAUSE YOU ARE WISER THAN ME...

Lord, help us through these years. Give us the wisdom we need and help us to forgive those who judge. Someday they will be in my shoes and help me to love them as they walk through it themselves. Your Grace is sufficient for this day and every day hereafter.

Christmas Lights In a Dark House...

I was reading status updates tonight and saw this post "Christmas Lights in a Dark House bring such peace". I LOVE THAT...There is nothing better than putting up the Christmas Tree and shutting off all the lights at night and just letting the tree light up the room. The manger was a very dark and cold place and God sent Jesus to light and warm that dreary place. He became the Light of the World. Thank you God for Jesus. Help me to remember HIM when I light up the tree each night.

Thanksgiving was a wonderful time of family events...many, many, laughs and memories. I was especially glad to see that all three of my girls had fallen asleep in the same bed after many long hours of talking. I love that they LOVE each other. It was good to see the James Island Christmas lights through a child's eyes again...roasting marshmallows...riding the carousel and the train and watching a little girl tell Santa what she wanted for Christmas. She chatted with him quite awhile and then just before she got off his lap, she hugged him real tight!!! She was so sincere as she chatted with him. I hope she gets all she asked for.

The Christmas Play Anxiety is trying to creep into my senses...I keep pushing it down!!! I want to remember that it ALWAYS comes together no matter what. There are more important things going on during Christmas play practice than whether or not it comes together perfectly...like hugging that little boy whose parents are divorcing and he is torn between homes...like discovering that telescope girl LOVES AND SINGS well and encouraging her to sing with all her heart...like one of the angels giving up her part so someone could be an angel who really wanted to be...like seeing the camel LOVE his two humps...REALLY ISN'T THAT ALL THAT MATTERS???? Really!!! Keep focused Dot!!! Remember that God's plans are not mine plans. Remember to show them the light that shone in the dark, cold place of the manger...

But in fact God has arranged the parts of the body, every one of them just has he wanted them to be. If they were all one part where would the body be. As it is, there is many parts, but one body 1 Cor. 12: 18-20


Okay...So here we go. A new post and I am not sure what I will say...But I figure I will type and pray God brings it. I have been thinking lately how much I COULD be doing for God if I did not have a job. I have been frustrated and bored with my work. Don't get me wrong. I am not honestly discontent. If God leaves me there, there is where I will stay. BUT...If God would remember His benched servant, I would be happy to do whatever HE calls me to do. I read on someone's post recently that serving God is so much FUN!! AND IT IS!!!

I have gotten so much joy out of being a small part of HIS GIANT PLANS for the girls in my home and my church. I GET to be a part. I GET to watch kids for them, deliver a meal to them , pray for them, talk to them until late at night, laugh with them and worry for them (secretly, I try not to let them know that I worry...BUT I do). I have had to learn to cast my cares upon God for HE cares for me. His yoke is easy and his burden is light.

I have read the testimonies of so many girls and each time I get a lump in my throat knowing that they have been through SO much. It always makes me sad...those are the times I have to go to God the most. And most of the time, all I can do is cry and sit at HIS feet. Words don't come...Just tears. I know how important it is for these girls to get these awful things out and I always pray God will help me to be strong for them. God is so faithful to let me sit and cry.

BUT...God has brought these girls out of Egypt, and through the valley of shadow of death!!!! AND THEY LOVE HIM!!! And HE has put such BIG DREAMS in their hearts...And BIG GIFTS He wants to use for HIS Kingdom.

Lord, Can I just say I LOVE THAT YOU LET ME BE A PART OF YOUR KINGDOM AND YOUR PLANS!!!! If you asked me to clean toilets, I would do it. And I would smile that you ALLOWED me to. I remember the first time I got to vacuum the sanctuary and I felt so undeserving to even do that menial task...BUT GOD YOU LET ME DO IT. I did not deserve your grace then and I still don't. Thank you for loving me God and never giving up on me. .

In Your Grip of Grace,
Your Benched Servant